You have such a wild heart. Like it’s dying to be freed from the cage of silence and stillness.
You just want to love. To give this love that your wild heart kept and dying to receive this love that you wanted ever since you’re just a young lady.
You gave your heart easily to anyone who promises to take care of it. To anyone who seems to have the potential. After all, love involves taking risks right?
So you took this risk, jumped off the cliff of this new found love, even you were so scared of drowning again. The fall is so high, like the feeling you had at first. Like nothing could go wrong, like everything seems so right. You feel like flying, soaring in the clouds as you fall harder and deeper on this feeling. You got so high to this emotion that you thought was so new, yet familiar at the same time.
Once again, you felt special, loved, valued. Like your dreams are within your arms-reach. It felt like everything you’ve hoped for, like the princess in a fairy tale, you thought that finally, God has given you your Prince Charming.
And yet, you still have fears that cannot be conquered by his sword – his words. You found yourself still deeply frightened of getting bruised and crushed again.
But then, you give your trust. Little by little, you break down your walls. Holding on to the promises, words of a man that you thought can be kept. Again, you held on to that hope that maybe, he is the one, maybe he is able to keep you from drowning, maybe he can even teach you how to swim in this ocean.
But you are still afraid of drowning, of being let go again, to be let down again.
So you cling to him, for your dear life. Hoping each moment that he won’t let go of your hand, you had this illusion that you are in control of your situation. You based your security on temporary ideas, things, person, feelings. You became someone you promised yourself you won’t be. Since your basis of your security are temporary, you know at the back of your mind, it isn’t right.
The irony is yes, you had faith. But not on God, instead, faith on your decision. That this time, maybe, just maybe, you’ll get things right. It will be right.
Until it was proven to you, that no, it’s still wrong. It’s wrong to base your security on people alone. It’s so wrong to lose your faith in God. It’s wrong to lose yourself in the relationship. It’s wrong, for you to kick Jesus out of the picture. To put other people, situations, things, in the throne of your heart where only God should be in. It’s even wrong to try to fit another person into the place where only God can fit.
It was almost instant, unexpected, you found yourself drowning. Gasping for air, desperately wanting to float and fly again.
You realized, that you are submerged on the wrong water. That’s why you never learned how to swim in it. You called for help, cried, pleaded, shouted at the top of your lungs.
Then your Life-Saver came and pulled you out of the water. He rescued you once again from the pain that seemed to be never ending. From losing your life, drowning from this wrong water that had this strong pull in you. From the waves of life’s hurts and disappointments that can crush you.
And there you are, found your breath again. You were back again in the shore, tired, but not lifeless. Broken, but breathing. Hurting, and healing at the same time. You learned to cling on your Savior again, on the eternal instead of the temporal.
He took you out of the water and placed you back to the shore, cleanse you and breathe in life in your dead soul. You found your life again, and it was not the same. It is new, it is so different from the life you used to have. It is filled with this incredible peace and joy. It is beautiful, satisfying. A new ocean, a living water. It was over flowing with love, its waves are overtaking you with so much beauty. It is renewing, refreshing, thirst-quenching.
You found this perfect love – a love you’ve always wanted, you’ve been seeking your whole life. A genuine, self-sacrificing, better-than-life kind of love. It is the love you’ve found before, but lost sight of, and this love is back again, presenting itself in the most undeniable way.
This love that kept on pursuing you, even after you said your “Yes”, this love that keeps on chasing you even through your unfaithfulness. This love that welcomes you back with warmth and passion. This love that is Unchanging, Relentless, Gracious and Kind. The love that your heart longs for – the God kind of love.
“This is love: not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.” -1 John 4:10
Dearest, you loved because you are created to love. Your heart is designed to give the love that you receive. Sweet girl, you lost the love because you are to be found by the Truest kind of Love. You are to re-discover this Love that satisfies. This love that no earthly relationship can ever complete you, this heavenly love that will make you whole. This love that heals and transforms.
You lost the love because it was not meant to last. Nothing that is not from God is meant to last. You’ve proved that many times, and this ending is one of the proofs that God gives not as the world gives.
“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.” – John 14:27
You loved and you lost because simply, it was not for you to begin with. But God, in His richest mercy, intervened. For you to come to that point of utter surrender, to see and experience that nothing, no one in this world can every satisfy your heart. Nothing, but the love of Jesus Christ.
“He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, He has put eternity into man’s heart ” – Ecclesiastes 3:11a
The once, empty hole in your heart, that you’ve been trying to fill with temporary people, things of this world, is now filled with the Perfect Piece – Jesus. And you know, you are now complete, lacking in nothing.