It’s okay. Be still. Cry your heart out.
It’s okay to mourn the loss.
It’s okay to grieve.
You just lost the love of your life. Your world. You may not feel and see it now because the pain is so overwhelming, so consuming, but you know in your heart that it’s all for the best.
You may get angry, bitter, but eventually, you will realize that it will not help you to move forward the right way. It will only keep you from experiencing God’s best.
I know, you have a lot in your mind. You are confused, doubting, you feel like you’re at the end of your rope.
Woke up in the middle of the night, crying – No, wailing. Not just sobs but a mournful cry. With shouting and pleading to God to stop the pain. You lamented the sudden loss of your “world” then, of the grief that seemed to consume your whole being. The pain feels like it’s beyond physical and emotional. You were crushed. Beaten down. Every part of you is aching and so desperately wanting to end the torment. But do not know how to.
2 hours of sleep, 1 meal a day, countless thoughts.
That’s fine. You will need to get up eventually and cope up, re-gain the strength that you need to face another day.
There are the worst moments when you blamed yourself, you had self-doubts and many “what-ifs”, you wondered what’s wrong with you. You had your fair share of regrets:
“If I’ve been more of this, more of that. ”
“It’s my fault he got tired, it’s my fault that he gave up.”
You even questioned if you really are meant to fail on this area. If you really are not enough, if you really are not worth fighting for.
You tried to bargain, to think that you still can fight.
That the relationship is still worth saving. You want to fight, with every last bit of strength that you have.
You want to save the relationship, it’s understandable.
After all, it’s the relationship that you thought will last. That you thought will be your last.
You’ve invested so much already, you saw your future with him. You thought he’s the one. Your answered prayer, so you thought.
Despite everything, you still saw him worth fighting for, you are willing to compromise just to save your “everything”.
But eventually, you will realize that the relationship is not what’s worth saving. It is each others being.
His life is what’s meant to be saved. What is destined to be himself in the future. That is the opportunity that he deserve to have. For him to discover who he really is, without you in his life.
Your life is what’s meant to be saved. The beautiful future that awaits you. The relationship that has eternal value. Your relationship with your Savior.
So you called on your Savior, desperately, you cling. And He welcomed you with arms wide open. Promised to provide you a new heart, in exchange to your broken, crushed heart. Every bit, every last piece.
Then you started to feel a little bit stronger, each moment that you surrender. Your weakness in exchange for His strength.
This strength is what it takes for you to delete those memories, those pictures, to re-collect all the tangibles things that holds memory – and give them back to him.
Though you had your “weak moments”, you still fail sometimes, but you know better now. Eventually, everything becomes clearer as God unfolds your story. As He revealed the purpose of your pain.
And you will realize, that the pain is only temporary. And the joy that is coming is much greater than the pain you’ve experienced.
You will see the love of people around you, their comfort and support.
You will know that you are enough. For a heart that is meant to love you – at your best and most especially at your worst.
You will know that you are complete, even broken. You are secured in His love.
You will look back from your past and see how God moved in your life. How He rescued you from yourself and wrong decisions since Day 1.
And you will be reminded of who you were before you met him.
You will realize that if God can heal you before, He can do it again – even more. If you just surrender and entrust to Him everything again.
You will eventually discover what you gained on losing him. And it’s far more precious than what was lost.
You gained the strength that you never thought you could have. To accomplish things that seemed to be difficult.
You gained security that is not based on your own doing or success. Not from the voice or words of anyone else that can falter, but the security that is based on your identity as a daughter of a Father who loves you dearly and wants nothing but the best for you.
“I’ll show up and take care of you as I promised and bring you back home. I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.” – Jeremiah 29:11
You gained yourself back. Your faith in Your God. A new heart. An undivided heart.
You gained the confidence and dependence on the One that will never fail you. You learned to trust God with everything you’ve got.
You gained experiences and lessons that are worth keeping and will last a lifetime.
You gained opportunities to show more love, compassion in this world full of hurt.
You gained Christ.
Be Still, The Girl I was Once, you are in the hands of Your Creator, Your Savior. He made you for His purpose, He knows you best. You can rest in the fact that You have a new life, a new heart and a beautiful journey ahead of you.
You may not have it all together, you may still have your weak moments and dark nights, but You are on your way to complete healing.
You’re inside the will of God – and that’s the best place you could ever be.
“What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord” – Philippians 3:8a